"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, forever and ever my baby you'll be"
Wait, but I actually don't always like you...the saying should go:
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for most of the time, forever and ever my baby you'll be."
You know how they say that the first two years of life are the trenches of parenthood? Well as of late, I've been feeling like I'm wading in the trenches neck-deep, gasping for air, trying with all my might to push through and survive. I know that sounds mildly dramatic, and it is...but it paints a fairly accurate picture of how I'm feeling when the going gets tough with these boys. We have been hit hard with the teething, potty training, tantrums, co-sleeping, nap regression, picky eating, "I just want mom" x 2 phase and I have just about LOST MY MIND. In the midst of all this chaos I've found myself wishing the days away and wanting time to move more quickly. But this morning I had a much needed wake up call. As I was cooking up breakfast I looked over and noticed my boys "talking" to each other, laughing, and playing nicely with their toys. I melted into a mushy mom-puddle and could not hold back the tears. The days are already going by far too quickly. It seems like just yesterday I had a 17 month old on my hip and a newborn swinging in the Mama-Roo during our breakfast routine. And today, this!?
I think the craziest thing about motherhood for me is the range of emotions. I can go from dreaming of jumping in my car and driving off into the sunset to spend a week alone on a beach somewhere because being a mom is just too hard and I don't really like my kids today, to holding my babies so tight and fearing letting go that I might lose the best thing that's ever happened to me: motherhood. Isn't that just crazy?
I so badly wish I could get rid of the negative emotions associated with motherhood. They leave me feeling guilty, angry, ashamed, embarrassed...and just all the bad feels. But how do you do it? Is it possible to go through motherhood with only feelings of gratitude and happiness? I've found that the answer to this question is a resounding NO. But why? Well, because of the age-old rule given to us by our Creator that there must be opposition in all things. Which makes sense because without sorrow, can you know happiness? Without the bad times, can you recognize the good? Without the 5 consecutive nights of interrupted sleep, can you appreciate that full 8 hours of much needed shut eye? (eh, that one's debatable...)
What I'm getting at here is IT'S OKAY TO EXPERIENCE THE BAD MOM FEELINGS. It's okay to want to pull your hair out sometimes. It's okay to feel like you're doing it all wrong. It's what you do with these feelings that truly matters. If you take the bad mom feelings and turn them into positive actions to get back to the happy mom feelings, YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT.
Right now, I've got the happy mom feelings and it feels great. But I know the bad mom feels will come, and that's okay.
Because, at the end of the day I can tell my boys "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for most of the time, forever and ever my baby you'll be."
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